Every now and then we need to take a step back, take a moment to collect our thoughts. To go over where we are and what we're doing, to basically review your performance in life in the past few days or weeks or months or years.
And I feel like I need to do this for myself because it allows me to notice whether I'm moving forward, backward, or if I'm just stuck. Either way I know where I'm at. And if I'm not where I feel that I should be, I become aware, and I am able to make the changes needed to get there.
I did this today, and I realized that I am stuck, and starting to move backwards. I need to make a plan right now to wake up tomorrow and get back in track. And sometimes that just means just taking that first step. The rest will show itself along the way. Every moment is very powerful. We just have to choose which ones we want to hold on to. And let go of the ones that we don't.
Take a moment for yourself. Review your life. Hold no resentment, just be aware, and move forward. As long as your moving forward you will never fall back.
My Darkest Hour
Every day and every night I struggle with this awful fight between what is wrong and what is right I'm hoping soon to see the light. The darkness I feel taking over of my soul is trying hard to play it's role, to completely consume me and turn me cold, to give up on the goodness I've been trying to hold. It's beating me down, it's making me weak, it's taking away the power I've tried so hard to keep. I'm getting scared, I'm not feeling well, I literally feel like I'm stuck in hell. There are burning fires and constant screams that I hear all day and night in my head, in my dreams. Something isn't right, there is a hole in my heart, I need to fill it with light before the whole thing turns dark. I feel angry all the time and I'm ready to snap, and if I let that happen it's gonna be a wrap. I won't come back this time, I know I'll be lost, in a horrible place at a terrible cost. Please god if your out there I need to see a sign, I need help fighting this darkness and not let it cross a line. Because once that line is crossed I know I can't turn back, and there are people I love that need me and I can't have my heart turn black. Send me an angel, send me a friend, someone that can be here with me so my life doesn't end. I don't want to hurt anymore, I don't want this pain, I'm begging you, please.. give me the strength to change. Give me the power to fight back, the courage to grow. Help me find the light, and make the darkness go.
Everything is better when the sun is shining.
I'm not sure if it's just me, but I seem to be in a much better mood when the sun is out. Even if it's raining, as long as the sun is shining, im smiling. I've learned to...basically "study" myself.
I try to evaluate my every day life and figure out what makes me happy. I try to learn more and more about ME every single day. So far, I know that I am much happier when the sun is shining.
The reason I do this is because sometimes just when everything seems to be going well, when nothing seems to be wrong, that's when I am the most vulnerable. And I let my guard down a little bit. And when something bad happens, it feels so much worse, because I was finally happy.
Now I am starting to realize what makes me upset or angry, or just in a bad spot in my head. And the more I learn about myself, the better prepared I am to deal with the darker days.
I don't have it totally down yet, but i can tell you that on my dark days, all i need to do is find a little sunlight to help get me through. Whether is be good friends, my family, or good music, I find a way to create happiness in my life that day.
We are our worst enemies. We need to know how to defend ourselves against...ourselves.